By DEEPTI JAKHAR (Daily Mail): What started with Mallika Sherawat and Rakhi Sawant is today a full-blown industry. It’s a breed of celebrity that boasts of having no real talent, intelligence or personality.
This new celebrity cult born of Twitter and reality TV has no real profession either. They are not actors or performers. They are poseurs. Posing purely to get noticed. They don’t have a godfather
in the glamour industry, and they don’t really need one either.
With utter lack of any high ambition, these ‘celebrities’ just want their 15 minutes to last as long as
they can. Taking inspiration from these nobodies who managed to become household names, LIFESTYLE put together an easy-to-use 10-step guide to become a celebrity. Anyone with a certain fire and shamelessness in that belly can use it.
So, here are ten ways to enter the Kardashian (K)-club of celebrity.
1. GET ON TWITTER OR BLOG YOUR VIEWS ONLINE
Twitter is a boon for those who like to keep it short and scandalous. It’s the perfect platform for the ‘watch this space for more’ kind of rumours and announcements. Who needs a publicist when you can make news every minute of every day? The Kclub would usually put up pictures of posing with an A-lister or various stages of undress.
2. TAKE PART IN A SCANDALOUS PHOTOSHOOT
Pictures speak much louder than words, especially in the case of those who have nothing important to say anyway. This new breed of celebrity that is grammatically and intellectually challenged, relies
solely on candid photos of themselves in ‘compromising’ positions. Whether they are ‘leaked’ or ‘morphed’, they are out there for everyone to see!
3. GET INTO A FIGHT WITH SOMEONE FAMOUS
Saying something controversial is not enough anymore. Rakhi Sawant was and remains the most quotable queen of nonsense. Now, you have to make your quotes more personal and sensitive. Either accuse someone famous of being jealous of you or ‘using’ you. You can also make controversial quotes about the establishment, industry A-listers or a big organisation.
4. SOMEHOW, JUST SOMEHOW GET CRICKET INVOLVED
If this nation is crazy about something besides Bollywood, it’s cricket. So cricket automatically
becomes the most preferred playground of celebrity newbies.
Whether it’s showing your love for the Indian team by streaking, posing with the cricketers at after-parties or getting embroiled in any match-fixing controversy, they’re all bound to make you overnight famous.
5. PLANT STORIES OF DATING A CELEBRITY
The next best thing to being famous is hanging out with someone famous. Even Kim Kardashian,
after all the money and fame she has earned, tries desperately to get into Beyonce’s inner circle. That way, you can float and later deny rumours of being close to someone in that clique.
6. TALK OF A REPRESSED AND/OR POOR FAMILY BACKGROUND
Everyone loves an underdog. Talk in interviews about your underprivileged background and tough childhood.
Become a poster girl/boy for small town overachievers.
7.GIVE OUT INTIMATE DETAILS OF YOUR SEX LIFE
Feed voyeurism. The more you reveal about your sex-life through pictures and interviews, the more you’d be talked about. Sex should be the mainstay of most conversations for you to stay in the news.
Shamelessness in the key.
8. TALK NON-STOP ABOUT YOUR FABULOUS BODY
You might not need talent, intelligence, contacts or a publicist. But there’s one thing you surely need to be C-list celebrity and that’s a good body. Your body is your temple and you have to talk non-stop
about maintaining and enhancing it.
9. TAKE PART IN A REALITY TV SHOW
Become a household name by crying, fighting and abusing on national television.
10. ATTACH YOURSELF TO A SOCIAL CAUSE
Because as they say, every saint has a past, and every sinner a future.
This Gladrags model has followed in Poonam Pandey’s footsteps and stripped in the name of cricket, besides tweeting: ‘As I promised did a full monty for Dhoni!’ and ‘jo darr gaya wo mar gaya (Be alive and fearless).’
She also kept the buzz alive by first announcing how she’d do a bikini shoot with Dhoni and go on a date with the CSK skipper if his team won the IPL, ‘if mahi wins i vil take him on a date n vil do a sexxxyyyy bikini foto shoot with him….love u csk (sic)’.
Talking about her upcoming debut film, she said: ‘I was elated to know that my name in the movie is Katrina… aur kuch ho na ho, main garibo ki Katrina toh zaroor ban jaongi (I’d be poor man’s Katrina Kaif).’
Payal Rohtagi and beau Sangram Singh
Model and ex Bigg-Boss inmate Payal Rohatgi met her beau wrestler Sangram Singh on the reality show ‘Survivor India’.
They are in a live-in relationship since then. They are true exhibitionists when it comes to their love life. On Valentine’s night, they did a first-of-its-kind-in-India, steamy shoot for the media, declaring their love and passion for one another.
Also, Sangram Singh’s recent PETA ad (right) created enough cheap buzz to put the C-list couple back in the news.
Controversial: Veena Malik at the photo-op for her upcoming film Daal Mein Kuch Kaala Hai
You might still spot her on late-night teleshopping ads, but Veena Mallik has climbed the celebrity ladder controversy by controversy.
Wanting to become an actress, she has finally landed herself the Kannada version of Vidya Balan’s The Dirty Picture.
Ever since she first became a household name after romancing has-been Ashmit Patel on season 4 of reality show Bigg Boss, Veena has made sure to keep a constant stream of scandalous headlines alive.
She might be working for the World Health Organisation and sponsoring a child for an NGO in Pakistan, but is still far from pleasing Pakistan’s moral police.
Her nude image on the cover of FHM magazine landed her in a big soup with the religious groups in Pakistan.
Though she later denied having done the shoot and also sued the magazine for morphing her picture, the magazine stood by its cover.
She also presented her raunchiest best in a couple of item songs recently, but is still being eluded by the big league.
Will she? Won’t she? Poonam Pandey promised to streak if India won the cricket world cup. She did not. And people eventually lost interest. Fearing she’d lose her audience if she cried nude too many times and didn’t follow it up, she finally posted a nude picture of herself in support of KKR’s victory at the recently concluded IPL.
Her TV debut on Khatron Ke Khiladi Season 5, hosted by Akshay Kumar might have flopped, but she recently claimed to have bagged a role in Jism director Amit Saxena’s next as the lead.
But when she tweeted about the same, the director denied it!